Rain..feel it on my fingertips..hear it on my window pane....

Rain is what the thunder brings
For the first time I can hear my heart sing
Call me a fool but I know I'm not
I'm gonna stand out here on the mountain top
Till I feel your...raain...
------ Madonna


Rain, rainstorms, storms, the moist gust....they all remind me of this one song by madonna. call me silly but its this one song that i listen to when its raining really hard outside, and like now, i'm at a low.

I wish i was carrying my camera. Not five minutes ago the whole skyline of gulshan---the horizon , or the parts of it visible from my third floor window, was shrouded by dark brooding rain clouds. From what is visible atop the amassing concrete jungle, it looked like God decided that i ought to be a little more depressed and jaded and confused than I already am...and so he let it rain...because he knows i have a love hate relationship with it.

Bored at work. But hey! What else is new? sitting in an empty room, with not a person in sight, chatting with a bunch of happy people who keep complaining of their perfect lives on the other side of the meadow and watching droplets trickle down my alumunium window pane. Reading random poetry online which really isnt helping the mood...just read this..

I shall go the way of the open sea,
To the lands I knew before you came,
And the cool ocean breezes shall blow from me
The memory of your name.

It's by some guy called Lawrence Hope...aah..i love irony...a guy called Hope wrote this poem which rite now seems like the most depressing piece of literature ever, and that only because i havent read hardy and eliot in so long. may i shud. may be that's what i ought to be doing. i think i was more in touch with my reality when i knew what it was. may be i was romanticizing but at least i was dealing with it, instead of hiding behind glorified 'corporate jobs' and 'attractive remuneration package's and 'quality time' or 'lone time' spent on 'romantic dates' with people who arent even a part of hopes and dreams any more....what a fallacy! are you laughing at me? may be....who are you anyway..and wat're you doing reading my blog?

My current mood is very Elizabeth Bishop e...i wanna write a lot. ..there is soo much that i want to say...to vent out...but some reticence compels me to hide behind random allusions and blanket ambiguity...hmph...i wish i could write like her though...at least i would have one thing about my life that i could eventually be proud of. ..even though i'd learnt the hard way..--the art of loosing is not too hard to master...

or i wish i was like Plath..at least I'd have the excuse of failed marriages, or whatever messed her up as an excuse for manic depression...i wish..i wish..i wish i didnt feel like a complete failure at everything..

so much for my blog entries being constructive...if people tend to spew out emotions ( or random unrelated mumblings about profound sounding nothings in my case) like this...no wonder the blogosphere is so cluttered with the last remnants of human emotions...

it stopped raining....i wish i could take pictures...not that anything taken through thick window glass would ever look good, but at least i would have a memory of that one day that i actually let myself think about how i was feeling and just let it out...it does come off as somewhat of a relief that noone..known or unknown would read this blog....
but it felt good...venting it all out...and knowing the one person who'd understand would never bother to read...doesnt care enough to read..listen...understand...whatever..at least i now have a blog...which doesnt reply back with nothings...

Fariha
Somewhere in..office..
on a wet,chilly,lonely monday afternoon..

Marmalade skies...lethargic afternoons...thoughts of you..

Notice the sky around 6ish in the evening. Some few days ago, my Nordic boss was struck down by a bout of spastic euphoria when he looked outside the window during a meeting and noticed the marmalade sky in its tangerine and peach glory. The horizon ablaze in a haze (hehehe!) of golden orange radiance as we discussed the wonder that is Pageflakes .
Marmalade skies always remind me of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (yea, big surprise), and summers spent with Farhan. We used to spend a whole lot of time on his roof top, even before he'd moved to the DOHS house. We've spent countless hours just staring at the sky, watching sunsets and just relishing the tranquility of vast orange skies and blissful silence. We havent done anything even half as romantic as that in the longest time. I've been too busy.
So, as I was reminiscing about marmalade skies and lazy,romantic afternoons, I found a picture on Flickr. It's actually a sunrise picture, but it's still the closest thing I could find. The sunset sky in Dhaka is far more tangerine and gold and glows with the jubilation of the people making their way back home from work at that hour, whilst the rest of us sit in our corporate offices sit and muse over the last remnants of our lovelives.
Fariha
sultry summer afternoon
somewhere in...office