Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Plight of the Girl Child

 


There are just so many different ways in which the patriarchal system of family and society in Bangladesh are hindering the socio-economic emancipation of women. Women may have right to vote, to work, to get education, to inherit and so on, but when it comes down the most basic right, the right to think- freedom of thought- our society is still entrapped between the suffocating grills of patriarchal values, which sadly are being sustained and invigorated by women themselves. There are of course the more common ways in which women lend support to repressive male-culture, like in matters of family where the male member is treated like a demi-god as he is the ‘head’ or wage-earner of the family even when the wife enjoys financial independence. Or, in matters of marriage or divorce for that matter where the men enjoy a more privileged status and women are often made outcastes by women in their own circles. But I would like to point out there are at least two more subtle ways in which women are reinforcing their own repression by patriarchy. Bangladeshi women discriminate their own female children because of their belief in certain misguided patriarchal values. The first is by granting a higher status to fair-skinner women and then by teaching different set of values to their male and female children.

Creation and pertinence of gender stereotypes by women themselves have also not furthered the cause of women’s emancipation from patriarchal roles. What most women fail to achieve that racism is not just limited to inter-racial conflicts; it can even encompass intra-racial differences. The way society that constantly grants fair-skinned women greater status, only cements the divide over skin color. Dark-skinned women are still castigated in society which still ranks the worth of a woman on the basis of her potential value in the marriage market. Will she get enough marriage proposals to choose from before she reaches 25? Will the groom’s family accept her for her own qualities or expect compensation in kind for her lack of beauty? Is she fair enough to be liked by most grooms and their parents? Will fairness products help her look brighter? These are the questions that plague the minds and hearts of most parents who have been blessed with daughters. Despite the dowry system being condemned for being repressing and abusive and asking for it being made a punishable offence, covert requests for gifts from the brides’ families is still common practice. This is particularly truer for girls who are dark-skinned as their families feel that they need to somehow compensate the grooms for the girls’ skin tone. This manifests how this society still equals fair-skin to superior beauty and assesses a woman’s worth based on that, as if her intelligence and personality are of no consequence. Women are treated as goods that are to be traded, and, the fairer the skin, the higher the value. This in turn reflects how women are blatantly objectified and subjugated as objects that have to be disposed off or debts that need to be settled! What is most interesting about this particular phenomenon is how it is often women who marginalize other women for their skin color even their male counterparts get the privilege to do the same! It is more often the groom mother, who, without paying any heed to the color of her own skin or her son’s or even his general appearance, starts of on a quest to find the ‘fair and lovely’ bride for the son. Little regard is paid to whether the son himself is ‘fair and lovely’ or deserving of a bride who actually is. This is of course because he is a man and is not required to meet these sometimes impossible standards of beauty. What is most tragic, however, is how even the mothers of daughters either hand their daughters fairness creams to ‘brighten’ skin color or worse still curse their dark-skinned daughters for their lack of marriage-ability. Young girls watch television commercials of products that guarantee to reverse the dark tone of the skin and make it ‘fair and lovely’ and buy into the fable that being fair is the be all and end all of a woman’s life. As a result, the myth continues that a woman’s importance in society can actually be measured by these shallow standards of beauty. Once again, the myth rules that women can only be perceived or given significance in terms of their physical assets.

A clear distinction between the social values taught to male and female children is another behavior that is symptomatic of women themselves strengthening the hold of a patriarchal system. It is a known fact that in Bangladesh, it is the women of the household who are in charge of the passing on and teaching of family, social and moral values. Hence, both male and female children usually directly learn about the basics of their respective roles in society from the women of the household, be it their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or elder sisters and cousins. And herein lays the dichotomy of male and female values. Young girls in our society are taught to be careful when they are outside, keep a distance from strangers, not to get too close to men, to protect their chastity and innocence and most of all, to cover themselves up as best as possible. Young girls are usually not allowed to play outdoor sports out in public once they have reached adolescence. Girls are also warned about being ‘modest’ during their interactions with boys in order to make sure that the former’s reputation is not stained. Now some say that these practices are in place for the protection of these young women. However, this argument has very weak logic. If the threat to the girls’ security is the boys, shouldn’t the boys also be taught the same codes of conduct so that they don’t feel inclined to violate a woman or her space? Young boys, of the same age, are not given any such lessons on appropriate social behavior resulting in them learning a complete different set of values. Rather, these boys are taught to confront, be comfortable in their role as the wage-earner, the more forward sex, to go outside and play regardless of their age simply because they are men who do not fear assault from the opposite gender and to mix freely as possible without the fear of tarnishing their reputation.. Here the values are conflicting. The same female members are teaching totally disagreeing values to the children. Unless the young men are taught to respect the women, to treat them as equals instead of an under-privileged minority, and not encroach upon women’s personal space by even ogling them shamelessly, the security of young girls or older women will always remain uncertain. These women, the upholders, the commissaries of values, are only making the world less safe for future generations of women, by upholding the patriarchal belief that male and female children should not be given equal degrees of physical freedom as children.

I would like to believe that all women dream of a better future for their children, be they male or female. However, our current socio-cultural practices, which seem to benefit only the masculine segment of the populace in becoming omnipotent, would probably help to create a world unsafe and unfair to women born even generations after us. That is of course, if our ways go undeterred, unacknowledged and unchanged despite being regressive and oppressive.


Dated: August, 2007

8 comments:

Ahmad Ferdous Bin Alam said...

Impressive article indeed! I completely agree with you.

It's the women who must strive for their due place in the society. But the irony is that many women themselves are unaware of their rights, what they should do for the cause of their welfare and often they do things that aren't right, say, performing in ads that humiliate women in some way.

I have seen many instances where women were humiliated in front of others just because of being dark-skinned! Even on my visit to village, I heard someone being called KALINI just because of being dark-skinned !!! What kind of attitude was it?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Fariha said...

Thank you.

But I don't think it's the (paid-up)media or advertising agencies' responisibility to change social trends.

The humiliating ads you see on TV are all true (but unpleasent) realities of our society. The media just mirrors it in ads. People need to be able to relate to the ads on television. Therefore, the Fair and Lovely ads, however demeaning, are very true to life. When you're selling a commercial product, you have to be able to get your consumers to relate to the demonstrated need for that product.

However, the other change-makers of society, the think-tanks, the teachers and even enlightened students should all be more vocal against this trend. There are film makers or writers who can easily create a nation-wide awareness about this issue. It shouldn't just be women talking about it, but also men.

Let alone the villages, even in urban classes, the fair skin is credited with value.

Anonymous said...

Are you familiar with the Bangla phrase "Echore Paka"? If not, please visit my blog:

http://iradsiddiky.wordpress.com/

I think your posts are slightly more paka than your biological age.
The mangoes need to be ripe at a proper time and not earlier.

Fariha said...

Much as I enjoy reading your rather 'off-track' remarks, telling me what I should or should not be blogging about at my age, or using our(other UV contributors) as a means of promoting your own is really a test of patience.

I don't moderate comments on my blog either. So please, if you have something constructive to add to the discussions, feel free. Otherwise, if it's more of your 'nasihats' or 'upodesh', please limit that to your own blog. May be then, you would get readers without having to use our blogs as a platform for promoting yours.

Ahmad Ferdous Bin Alam said...

No no. I never told that media should be bestowed with the responsibility of upholding women's dignity!

I wanted to say that those women who perform in ads derogatory to women should be regarded with disdain. At a time when many women are struggling to prove their worth in a patriarchal society, those 'models' serve themselves as nothing but a hindrance to the progress. If all women, especially models themselves unite and agree on that they will never perform in humiliating ads, no matter how much money they are offered, then the companies will be left with no choice but reconsidering their ad-script!

As for being vocal for the cause, it will definitely take much time due to our lack of proper education. Most of us are shikkhito, not sushikkhito. I think that's the crux of the problem.

Fariha said...

Again,

It's not upto to these women, who have taken up, selling commercial products using their beauty and acting skills, as their profession, to become the beacons lighting the way. True, that these women are becoming role models, but they're in this profession to sell these products and they're livelyhoods depend on how well these products sell. Simply put, they are simply catering to an existing demand. And as long as there is this demand, there is nothing ad agencies, models or manufacturers can do about it, except compete for their own share of the pie.

I guess we'll just have to wait till we're shushikkhito. But look at the Shikkhito West, have they been able to break away from the clutches of racism? Even in the progressive nations of S.E.Asia, beauty products with whitening agents are a big big hit!

Ahmad Ferdous Bin Alam said...

well... I believe professionalism encompasses ethics and hope that both male and female models would realize the importance of ethics in their profession and recall it when offered to perform in demeaning ads.

Shahan said...

Insightful to say the least. I write this comment as a response to the discussion that has been going on regarding the blog.

Firstly I would like to say, that this "sushikkhito" being spoken of, IMHO, is not at all localized to Bangladesh or any specific region. Of course, one may classify and argue the term on various grounds. Furthermore, the whitening agents or the favoring of the fairer child is more rooted in the concept of colonialism and imperialism than gender issue. Of course gender struggle is a vast topic and is not, by any means, exclusive of the aforementioned criteria. While, it is true that beauty products are primarily targeted at women, but the desire to be fairer exists both in the male and female population. I do not think modeling, as being portrayed here, is not very justifiable.

As far as I see, modeling and sports are analogous in nature. Both utilizes the body to entertain and entice/promote - Sports definitely has its deep roots in advertisement, through attire, sponsorship, etc. As a result, I think it is wrong to treat the profession of modeling as some sort of perverted acts consented due the greed of money. I think what we should be concerned about however is the fact that both male and female have internalized this patriarchal notion of things.

Let us recall Naila Kabir's definition of "Agency". It would be nice to remember that, agency is not only about having the decision but rather having the decision without a prescribed structure. This is illustrated by a point well mentioned in the blog,
"...like in matters of family where the male member is treated like a demi-god as he is the ‘head’ or wage-earner of the family even when the wife enjoys financial independence."

I believe that it is not only the media, nor is it the educated that is the problem. It is the education process. Ethics or any other existing tenets of society is already flawed and, IMHO, is definitely not the answer. For women and men to both grow out of this long internalized notion of female as the weaker gender, is the real challenge. I offer no solution, just a mere insight.